I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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