I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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