I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
