so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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