i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
