It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
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It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
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Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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