Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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