Rock
Scissors
Fuck
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
