I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize