sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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