Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
