come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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