Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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