If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
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She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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