if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I have tasted many bathrooms
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
