I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
why do cheetos always look like penises
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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