I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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