Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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