I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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