you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
