I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
