R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Hippo gnu deer
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
