I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
