I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
