I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
