I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize