When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
