We won't sleep together?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
