got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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