What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
