chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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