oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
