Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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