Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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