worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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