I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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