In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
