just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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