Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
