rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
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He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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