I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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