your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
