This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
