Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
