i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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