so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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