I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
