i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
