if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
