He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
