420 ftw
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
