Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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