finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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