i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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