Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
