so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
