the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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