Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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