my mouth tastes like poor choices
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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