drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
