bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Randomize
